What many people fail to recognise is the profound psychological transformation that accompanies motherhood. This transformation is known as matrescence, and understanding it is essential for every mother’s well-being. I had no idea about the transformation I was about to go through as a person. I had always wanted to be a mother, I was so excited and motherhood came quite naturally to me. What I didn’t think about or envision was the profound effect it had on almost every aspect of my life. When a friend of mine told me about matrescene I had already been through a journey of re- defining who I was now. What did my life look like personally and professionally now I had 3 little kids in tow, what are my priorities, what do I want for my life now- everything had shifted and I needed to really re- evaluate my life.

Defining Matrescence:

Matrescence is a term that describes the psychological journey a woman undergoes when she becomes a mother. Just as adolescence marks the transition from childhood to adulthood, matrescence signifies the shift from womanhood to motherhood. It encompasses a wide range of changes, including shifts in identity, priorities, and emotions. These are huge shifts for women and some cope with it better than others, but all mothers will experience a change in themselves as they transitioned into motherhood.

Understanding the Challenges: Matrescence brings with it a unique set of challenges. As mothers navigate this transformative journey, they may experience feelings of isolation, uncertainty, and overwhelm. The pressure to meet societal expectations that we are frequently faced with during late night scrolls on social media further exacerbate these challenges, leaving many mothers feeling overwhelmed and inadequate. There is a huge amount of false portrayal of motherhood on social media and for those who are struggling with this transition it can seriously affect them. When we return to work this transition is highlighted again. What does my career look like now, is work still a priority? Can I still do my role to the best of my ability? Can I thrive in my career and still be a great mother? It is so overwhelming, and there is often very little support offered.

Impact on Mental Health: The psychological changes associated with matrescence can have a significant impact on maternal mental health. Many mothers struggle with feelings of anxiety, depression, and self-doubt during this period. Without a clear understanding of matrescence, these challenges can go unrecognised and untreated, leading to long term struggles that not only affect the mother but will also affect the whole family. When we understand this transition is provides a reason for these feelings, an explanation that many mothers long for. It removes any stigma’s associated with feeling inadequate, depressed or overwhelmed- it’s an enormous change, so understanding this can help mothers to cut themselves some slack. It doesn’t make you a bad mother, or a terrible person- it makes you a human that is going through a massive transition psychologically, emotionally and physically and you need a bit of extra support as you go through it.

Support Systems: Building strong support systems is crucial for mothers during matrescence. After I had my twins I found the transition HARD. I went to playgroup on a Thursday morning with friends and it was honestly what kept me together. They were my greatest support during that time and they have no idea just how much they saved me in that first year. Other mothers, friends and family can offer empathy, understanding and advice! I am an open book with my friends about challenges with myself and my children, and its amazing how many others are experiencing exactly the same.

Professional support, therapy, counselling and doing personal development can also help a huge amount. Understanding who this new version of you is may require some professional support. It can assist with the changes that occur to your thoughts and behaviours and enables you to adapt to the new demands in your life.

Empowerment Through Knowledge and Mindset: I have to add this in of course as it is the exact process that has completely changed my life as a mother. As I have mentioned (and if you read my other blogs you will know) I struggled after the twins. I completely lost of identity, who I was, what life now looked like, how I could have a career and be a hands on mother and I set of on a journey to rediscover myself and rebuild a new and better version of my previous self. Understanding yourself allows you to approach matrescence with resilience, optimism and with a motivation to love the new you. Working on our mindset can have a profound impact on this transition and can make this change a hell of a lot easier.

Matrescence is a transformative journey that every mother must navigate. By understanding and acknowledging this process it equips you with the expectation of what you may be faced with when you become a mother. I wish I had known what matrescence was before I had become a mother, and that I had known about it when I was going through a tough time going from one to three children. If you have faced some of the challenges I have outlined during your transition into motherhood, I provide several programs that can help to support you and redefine what life looks like now. I also work with organisations to provide support for their employees that are juggling a career and being an incredible parent. If you are a mother, know that any thoughts or feelings that have challenged you as you have transitioned into motherhood is simply the transition from womanhood to motherhood. You are incredible, you may just need some help identifying the “new you”.

“But I don’t have enough time”:

Despite the common complaint of not having enough time, the reality is that we all have the same 24 hours in a day. So why do some parents seem to effortlessly manage their responsibilities while others constantly feel overwhelmed? When we become parents, the way we previously worked and lived may not be suitable anymore. For example, when we return to work, if we have to do picks ups and drop offs, cook dinner, do bath and bed, we need to think about how we work in the day and be much more effective with our time. We can’t just stay an hour later because we went for a long lunch, or finish all our deadlines in 3 days going for several coffee breaks and having regular chats with our colleagues. The way we operate must change.

Prioritisation Matters:

When we claim we don’t have enough time for something, what we’re often saying is that it’s not high enough on our list of priorities. As working parents, our attention is constantly pulled in multiple directions, forcing us to make tough decisions about where to allocate our limited time and energy.

Assessing what is important to you, and what aligns with your goals personally and professionally can make a huge difference in making decisions around what you want to do and what you doesn’t suit you. When you’re making decisions, you should always check in to see what aligns with your goals to help you to stay on track and focused.

Identifying what you want:

In order to make decisions about what to invest your precious time in- you need to know what you want. Setting clear goals about what you want and need personally and professionally is a great task to do. If you have no idea what your goals are yet- I have a FREE guide that you can access HERE that will really help you to map this out.

When you identify what it is that you want, you need to then start prioritising yourself too. I know this can be hard for lots of parents but being the best version of yourself and following your own hopes and dreams is the best thing you can do for your children but that’s a while different blog post!

The Importance of Boundaries:

One of the biggest challenges for parents is setting boundaries between work and family life. With technology blurring the lines between professional and personal time, it’s easy to feel like we’re always “on” and that we don’t have any time to spare.

Establishing clear boundaries, such as designated work hours and dedicated family time, can help us reclaim control over our schedules and ensure that we’re prioritising both our careers and our families. When we make these boundaries clear not only can you be a lot more productive at work, but you will also notice a huge increase in your families happiness when you spend some quality time together.

As a parent we are undoubtably time poor. What we need to do is identify exactly what is important to us and why. If you fear investing in yourself ask yourself why? Is it because you just don’t want to change anything or is it that you don’t feel like you should be prioritising yourself?

The struggle to balance our various responsibilities is an ongoing challenge. However, by reframing our mindset around time management and prioritisation and understanding exactly what we want, we can begin to reclaim control over our schedules and focus on the things that truly matter. So the next time you find yourself saying, “I don’t have enough time,” ask yourself whether it’s truly a matter of time or a question of priorities.

I’ve had 3 positions since having children. The first allowed me to work 3 days, but had very inflexible hours. It was back to real basics compared to what I had been doing pre children, and I hated that 4pm feeling when I desperately wanted to pick up my daughter but felt chained to my desk with eyes on me from every direction watching to see if I got up and left early.

My second position was Part Time and I working from home 4 days a week. It was flexible in terms of hours but the work load was really not feasible Part time- so I ended up working 5-6 days a week and was only paid for 4… what a stitch up.

Is it possible to have true flexibility and be successful?

YES!!!

After I had returned to my second role post twins, I decided I wanted something for me. I wrote down a list of what I wanted and needed (manifesting) and I found a dream job. I was upfront and direct with what I needed, and my manager (also a mother) was great. My role was great. Completely flexible- I worked 7 days a fortnight, I would come and go as I need to according to drop offs and pick ups and I made up any hours outside of work. There was no guilt about getting my daughter from school, there was no guilt if someone was sick and I need to work from home. I performed well, I got everything I needed to get done, it was GREAT!!!

This role gave me the confidence to take it one step further and start my own business which I love.

So why is it so hard to find flexible work that suits parents?

You need to be open to alternative work arrangements.

One of the key aspects of embracing flexibility is being open to alternative work arrangements as a parent and as an organisation. This could mean working from home, having a flexible schedule, or taking advantage of part-time or job-sharing options. By being open to alternative work arrangements and actually sticking to them you allow yourself to work on your terms and be successful at work as well as at home. It means companies also need to really embrace this ethos and encourage true flexibility across workplaces also.  It’s all very well saying you support flexible work, but it needs to be filtered across the business and accepted by all leaders and team members.

Be proactive and voice what you really need.

Another important aspect of embracing flexibility is being proactive in seeking support and voicing what you really need. This can include reaching out to family and friends, or seeking professional support such as therapy or coaching (with me!). When you are returning to work or applying for jobs, think about what is going to really work for you and be completely honest and transparent. The happier you are with your flexible arrangements the happier you will be at work and the harder you are likely to work. Feeling resentful isn’t good for anyone so work out what works for you and talk about it to those who need to be across it.

Seek out Opportunities for Growth and Development

In a study conducted by Pew research, they found that 50% of mothers said advancing in their career is harder because they are a parent, and 39% of dads agree that advancing in their career is negatively impacted by being a parent.

Working parents also need to be proactive in seeking opportunities for growth and development, both professionally and personally. This can include seeking out mentors and sponsors, participating in professional development programs, and taking on new challenges and responsibilities. By investing in your personal and professional growth, you can build the skills and confidence you need to succeed. You should still be able to maintain flexible working and continue progressing in your career.

Prioritise self-care.

Getting burnt out as a parent is easily done. We tend to juggle a million things at once and prioritising self care is essential to not burn ourselves into the ground. Exercise, meditation, spending time with friends, and taking time for self-reflection are all things we should be incorporating into our weeks. By taking care of yourself, you will have the energy and resources to be a successful working parent and role model for your children.

Have a growth Mindset

Embracing flexibility requires a Growth Mindset, which means being open to change and being willing to adapt to new circumstances. The demands of work and family life can change, and what works for you today may not work for you tomorrow. By being open to change and embracing new opportunities, you can continue to grow and succeed as a working parent.

When you manage to find a position that truly works for you, you won’t look back. It is hard to find the perfect integration of work and parenting, but it is possible and requires a bit of give and take. Be open with your communication around what you want and need and remain flexible yourself. I hope you manage to find a gem like I did that allows you to love your job, progress and work flexibly.

I think flexibility is essential for working parents. Pick ups/ drop offs, appointments for you, appointments for your children, there are so many things needed to squeeze into a week and if you don’t have flexible work arrangements it can make it so hard. It’s still a big learning curve for many, but flexibility is the future of working and the more we can implement this, the more parents can return to the workforce and it’s essentially a win win for everyone. If you need some support to implement flexibility across your organisation, I do a great workshop for leaders!

When I returned to work after my first daughter the transition was a lot greater than I thought. I took a more junior role, a huge pay cut and suffered with intense feelings of guilt that my daughter was in daycare for days that were far too long for both of us. I didn’t receive any support transitioning back into the workforce and I was overwhelmed and torn between wanting to be a great mum and wanting to develop my career.  

I want to delve into the importance of providing adequate support for new parents returning to work and how it can redefine the purpose of parenthood in the workplace. Not only will this benefit your employee’s but as parents make up around 50% of our workforces, this can help to prevent turn over, and provide an increase in performance and results.

Embracing Change: Are You Providing Adequate Support?

When a baby enters the picture, the dynamics of our lives shift dramatically. As parents return to work, they face a multitude of changes in their professional and personal lives. Employers must acknowledge and address these changes by offering support systems that cater to the evolving needs of parent employees.

Flexible work arrangements and childcare assistance is an essential start to providing the support that is needed, but should we be stopping there? Providing support to new parents demonstrates an understanding of their challenges and a commitment to helping them navigate this significant life transition. Providing them with the tools they need to redefine what this transition in their life now looks like, what their purpose is now and what they need to make their career work for them and their family, is a large missing piece of the puzzle.

Redefining Career Priorities: Beyond the Nine-to-Five

Parenthood often prompts a re-evaluation of career priorities. Returning to work doesn’t mean reverting to the same roles and responsibilities as before. Parents may find that their priorities have shifted, and certain aspects of their previous roles are no longer feasible or desirable.

Employers can empower parents to redefine their career paths by offering opportunities for skill development, career advancement, and alternative work arrangements that accommodate their new roles as caregivers. Parents also need to have this awareness to receive adequate support from their employer.

Coping with Change: Providing Support and Tools

Parenthood is synonymous with change, and parents must continuously adapt to the evolving needs of their children. Employers can support their parent employees by providing resources, such as parenting workshops, and flexible scheduling options, to help them cope with these changes effectively. The greatest gift employers can give is providing tools to make permanent shifts and changes to parents thoughts and behaviours. 80% of our outcomes are based on our mindset and as humans the ability to change, have the confidence to speak up for what we want and need and how to push ourselves out of our comfort zone can make a dramatic difference in the performance and wellbeing of parents.

By investing in the well-being of parent employees, organisations foster a supportive work environment that promotes productivity, satisfaction, and retention.

Stepping Out of the Comfort Zone: Working Smarter, Not Harder

Returning to work after parental leave often requires stepping out of your comfort zone and embracing new challenges. Encouraging parents to adopt a growth mindset and explore innovative approaches to work can enhance their confidence and resilience.

Employers can foster a culture of continuous learning and professional development, where employees are encouraged to take risks, learn from failures, and adapt to change with resilience and determination.

Supporting new parents as they transition back to work is not only a matter of employee welfare but also a strategic investment in organisational success. By offering tailored support, resources, and opportunities for growth, employers can empower parent employees to thrive professionally and personally, ultimately redefining the purpose of parenthood in the workplace. Let’s strive to create workplaces where parents feel valued, supported, and able to achieve their full potential. If you would like to discuss this with myself and how I can support your organisation please don’t hesitate to reach out.

I am one of 3 girls, and we have all married really “hands on” men. They all help around the house and share the childcare. Before you all get too excited reading this- there is always room for improvement, but on the whole all 3 of them are really great, especially with sharing the childcare and being very involved dads. During this conversation, my sister said something that has really got me thinking.

“Well, if you think back, Dad was really present with us, he did quite a lot around the house and he shared the childcare….”

This is SO true.

My Dad was a teacher, so he was home by 4.30pm every day. We always had dinner all together, mum cooked, dad always did the dishes, they had their “roles” in the house with regards to jobs and it was by no means 50/50 but my dad still did quite a lot to help.

In the school holidays, my mum only had 50% of the holiday off so we would spend the rest of the holiday with Dad. He would play squash and would assign my sister and I a task to build something or find something from the rugby fields behind, he would play golf and we would Cady for him and find golf balls. We LOVED it!

My point to this is this. Did we all marry similar hands-on men out of pure coincidence, or did we marry men like that because that’s what we were raised to believe is normal?

I hope the latter….

I have been thinking and writing a lot about gender equality and I hadn’t even though about my own situation. I know I am very lucky with my own husband, but I hadn’t thought about my own parents. I am SO Grateful that I was raised in such an equal house. And in that generation, I think it would still have been quite rare for that to happen. My dad has always had a great relationship with my sisters and I and it’s all thanks to the time he spent with us. When I look back at my childhood, I don’t remember the birthday or Christmas presents, I don’t remember what we had and what we didn’t have. What sticks in my mind are all the great times I had with my family. The time spent with my mum after school talking to her whilst I helped cook dinner, time in the school holidays when we went on fin adventures with Dad. Time is the most precious gift you can give you children as a parent.

Our Belief systems are built up from generations, our parents, their parents etc. it is really the catalyst of why we think and behave the way that we do. I feel so incredibly fortunate that I have been raised in a way that promotes gender equality and I now live exactly like that myself which will enable my children to be the same way.

If we really want to bridge the Gender gap- this is where we start! Women need to have the confidence to speak up with what they want and need at home and at work. And men need to continue to do more to help at home and with their children, and workplaces need to fully support this.

I read something yesterday written by a mother. She was saying how she runs around in the morning, getting the kids up, washed, dressed, breakfast, lunches ready etc. And then by the time her husband comes out ready for the day showered and dressed she had about 8 minutes to get ready herself. The post annoyed me. Why is her husband not doing half of those jobs and helping her out? Their children belong to both of them and should be both of their responsibilities. If she’s struggling with time in the mornings, why is she not asking her husband to help? This is where the problems start.

Ladies please start speaking up for what you want and need in terms of help and support. If you create this equality in your house now, just think of the effects that will have on your children, and their children… it’s up to us to make that change and to bridge the gender gap. It’s also up to men to allow the transition to occur. To be open to changing the status quo and enabling more balance to spend with your children and supporting your family at home. I will be forever grateful that I was raised in a family dynamic that has naturally created equality in my own house. You have the ability to give that gift to your children as well.

The way we think, behave and act is very much determined by our belief system and the environment we were raised in ourselves. Our paradigms and belief systems are created by our parents, their parents and those that we were surrounded by when growing up.

So how often do you think about what it is that you are passing on to your own Children? Do you ever reflect on how you were raised and think, I want to do that differently? It’s great to make changes and evolve as society does, but being consciously aware of how we change those behaviours isn’t as easy as we think.

What to think about around Children:

1. Do you want your children to be risk takers?

Do you ever find yourself shouting “Careful Careful Careful” at you children? As a mother of 3 with two of them being very adventurous 3-year-old twins, I want to shout out “be careful” approximately every 30 seconds. Now, I obviously just want my children to be safe and to not hurt themselves or others, but in reality, I am creating a paradigm around them taking risks.

If they are constantly being told to be careful (or similar), they are likely to grow up being cautious, risk adverse and have a fear of pushing themselves. If I bite my tongue, close my eyes, and try to look away in hope that they are okay when I look back, I am allowing them to take risks, learn by experience and push themselves out of their comfort Zone. There is no right or wrong with this, ideally, we want a balance of them both. Being mindful of when and how we use boundaries and caution with our children can really shape the way they live their lives, try to be selective when you feel it may be okay for them to take a bit of a risk, and when you know that situation is dangerous, and they need to learn boundaries.

• Hold on- I’m not sure if we should talk about this….

Try to be mindful of what you are communicating around your children, this is important across all topics, but I will use money as an example. In a world where everyone seems to be struggling with inflation and the rising of costs in everyday expenses, think about what you are talking about and saying to your children. If we are frequently saying “That’s way to expensive, we can’t afford it, we are broke, we could never have that, it costs too much” you are creating a limited money paradigm in your children. As they grow up, you are at risk of them being overly conscious about money, having a boundary around their self-worth and this is likely to have one of 2 outcomes. It could limit their own earnings as they get older, and what they think they are worth. If they were successful, they will still likely hold onto their money and obsess over what they are spending/ saving as they have an internal fear of having to go without. Keep the conversations positive around children and what their possibilities are. We want to teach them the reality of life, but we also want to shelter them from it too and not create limitations in areas we can avoid.

• Love and affection

The way we show love and affection to our children and spouses really sets them up for the way they are going to form relationships themselves. If we are constantly showing love and affection, that behaviour will become “normal” to them, and they will often replicate this in their own relationships as they are growing up. Be kind to those around you, speak with good manners and be polite. Think about how you would want your child to be and model that behaviour yourself.

• We can or we Can’t….

Do you find yourself swaying towards the ideas that you can, or you can’t? I have always had the attitude that I can do anything I set my mind to and have achieved so much in my life because of it. When I look back my parents would always support me in my wild decisions, even if they were probably rolling their eye’s thinking I am being ridiculous at the time, they never said you can’t or you won’t be able to do that.

Think about whether you are encouraging your children to have a can-do attitude or are you questioning whether things can be achieved and constantly saying you “can’t do that”. Of course, we need to set realistic expectations but having an attitude that allows us to strive for what we want is always going to be more likely to get us there.

When I was pregnant with my Twins all I seemed to hear was “you won’t be able to do this, you won’t be able to do that” and it was a real eye opener to me how many people have the view that they “can’t” rather than they “Can”; After all, when people put their views upon you, it’s a direct reflection of what they think they are capable of, not a reflection on you and your capabilities. I am extremely conscious with my children and making sure I encourage them that they can do anything (within reason- of course) and not reflect my own limitations onto them.  

• Are you happy?

I’m not sure what the equivalent is of the phrase “happy wife, happy life” with regards to parents but I’m sure there would be one. When we are happy, driven and feel like we have purpose, we are MUCH better parents. I have experienced this myself. My children are often a complete replica of my emotions / mood and seem to reflect exactly how I am feeling in their behaviour. It is hard to prioritise yourself when you are a parent, but try to do things you love, follow your passions, take time for yourself, and spend time with your children feeling positive and energised. They are going to be so much happier for it themselves. Investing in yourself to be the best version of yourself is the best thing you can do for your children.

Conclusion

We have complete control over what we are instilling into your children, so think about how you want them to think and behave and start to think and behave like that yourself. This is the best way for them to learn those behaviours and live a successful life. If you think you are really struggling with some of the areas covered, it may be time to start shifting your own mindset. Not only will it create a happier life for you, but it will create more growth and opportunity for your children too.

If you’re ready to invest in yourself and be the best version of YOU, it’s the perfect time to take action. My program “The mindful working parent” is out very soon, so please reach out for more information on how I can help to transform your life.

Self Image isn’t just about Physical appearance, think about how confident you are in yourself? Do you feel positive, capable and determined in life? Cultivating a positive self image can make or break you as a woman, so what can we do to improve it?

1. Practice self-care: As a mother, it’s easy to put your own needs last, but taking care of yourself is essential for your physical and emotional well-being. Make time to do things that you love! Whether that’s reading a book, seeing friends, going to the Gym, make sure you carve some time out each week for YOU! Trying to be as healthy as you can also really helps to boost your self image, eating well, getting enough sleep, and doing some exercise is great for your mental health. It’s taken me 3 years post twins to really start putting this into practice- it can take time, I get it, but I cannot tell you how much better I feel only a couple of months into doing more exercise and taking some more time for me. Not only am I exercising when I walk by the ocean 1-2 days a week, just being close to the water and watching the world go by is one of my favourite things. I feel so rejuvenated every time I do it.

• Celebrate your successes: Being a mother seems to come with a lot of expectations and we rarely get praised for the amount we do. When you do something you’re proud of no matter how big or small, take a moment to acknowledge it and celebrate the wins. Maybe you managed cook a meal that all your children ate, or you handled a situation without screaming and loosing it- these are all wins, so give yourself credit for your accomplishments. If you manage to do something amazing for a few weeks in a row- book yourself in for a massage to celebrate. Treat yourself because you deserve it!

• Connect with other mums: Motherhood can be lonely at times. When times are tough, you can feel like you’re the only one going through it, and I can tell you right now that is absolutely not true. Reach out to other Mums, create a community, and have a good network around you. When I had my first daughter my mothers group was the best. Whenever there was a new milestone or she all of a sudden stopped sleeping, I would message the group and there were always others going through the exact same thing at the exact same time. It was so comforting to know that I wasn’t alone and that my baby was just going through a “normal” developmental stage and this wasn’t now my life. Having a good support network and getting out with other mums is so good for your self-image and building up your confidence. Surrounding yourself with others can really uplift your overall mood and give you a sense of belonging (which is the most desired human behaviour).

• Set boundaries: I love this one. If any of you read my work regularly, you will know I am a bit of an advocate for gender equality and using this to help your own self-image is essential. As a mother, it’s easy to feel like you have to do everything for everyone. However, setting boundaries can help you feel more in control and reduce feelings of overwhelm. Assign your partner tasks, ask them to give the children breakfast while you get ready or do the school drop off one day. It’s so important to have the confidence to use your voice and say what you need to best help you. Tell your employer what you need to create balance and what you need to thrive in your career and at home.  If you don’t ask you don’t get- a wonderful phrase my parents taught me. Make a life that works for you, say no if you don’t want to go out on Saturday night, work out what your priorities are and set limits on where you want to spend your time and with who. Setting boundaries at home is the number 1. Not only will this make your life a lot better, it’ll benefit your entire family.  

• Focus on your strengths: Every mother has strengths and talents that make her unique. Instead of comparing yourself to other mothers or focusing on your weaknesses, make an effort to focus on your strengths. What are you good at as a mother? What do your children appreciate about you? What else are you good at? Being a mother shouldn’t define us. Many of us have incredible careers, are great friends and a great partner, so be kind to yourself and be proud of who you are and what you do. Focusing on these positive aspects can help you feel like you have more purpose and really boost your confidence and self-image.

• Practice gratitude: Despite all the stress our children can cause us, they also bring us so much love and joy. Try to focus on that as much as you can, don’t sweat the small stuff and allow yourself to let things go once in a while. It is THAT bad that there’s food on the floor? Not really, remain calm and be grateful that they ate the other half of their breakfast. At the end of each day and every morning, reflect on what you are grateful for and keep that positive energy with you throughout the day. Take the time throughout the day to practice gratitude, maybe it’s a hug from your child, a beautiful sunset or that you have a supportive partner. Try to think of 10 things every day that you are grateful for.

Remember, being a mother is a journey, and it’s okay to have good days and bad days. Getting your mind focused on the positives aspects in life and practicing the areas I have just outlined, will increase your self-image and make you feel like a much more confident, fulfilled and happy mother.  

Please visit my website www.workhardparenthard.com.au to learn more about how I can help you to increase your self image and confidence.

One of the main reasons why men are not engaging in flexible work arrangements is due to the stigmas and biases surrounding them.

Men are often thought of as the breadwinners of the family, and their primary role is to work and provide for their family. However, this outdated view fails to recognise that men also want to be involved in their family life, especially in parenting responsibilities. In fact, research has shown that men are increasingly interested in equalising parenting responsibilities with their partners, and this is where flexible working arrangements needs to be offered and supported for both Men and Women.

Despite them wanting this, men are still hesitant to take up flexible working arrangements due to the stigmas and biases that exist in many organisations. For instance, they may feel that their requests for flexible working arrangements will be viewed negatively by their colleagues or that they will not be seen as committed to their work. These stereotypes and biases create a culture that is not conducive to equal opportunities for all employees, regardless of gender.

Another challenge that men face when it comes to flexible working arrangements is a lack of senior support.

In many organisations, senior managers are not supportive of flexible working arrangements. If the Leadership team is not supportive of flexible working, that will be filtered down across the rest of the organisation.  This lack of support can discourage men from taking up flexible working arrangements, further reinforcing the stereotypes that surround them. If we want to support gender equality, we need to lead by example across the leadership team and pave the way.

In addition to the stigmas and biases, men are also twice as likely as women to have their requests for flexible working arrangements rejected.

This further exacerbates the problem and prevents men from taking up flexible working arrangements. This issue needs to be addressed by organisations if they are serious about promoting diversity and inclusion in the workplace. Men and Women should be seen as equal employees and if that is the case, men should be equally as entitled to have flexible work arrangements.

Addressing these challenges is not easy, but here are a few things you can do:

• Create policies that enable both men and women to work flexibly. This means providing flexible working arrangements that are available to everyone, not just women. This approach will not only help to break down the stereotypes and biases that exist but will also create a more inclusive workplace where everyone has equal opportunities to succeed.
• Actively encourage and role model the use of flexible working arrangements, especially across executives and leaders. This will help to create a culture where flexible working is viewed positively, and men are encouraged to take up these arrangements.
• Promote and support top performers who work flexibly. By highlighting these employees, organisations can help break down the stereotypes and biases that still exist in the workplace. It is important to recognise that employees who work flexibly can be just as productive and committed to their work. It will also help to eliminate the fear from men that they will not be promoted or rewarded for their hard work if they take up flexible work arrangements.
• Working on the mindset of employee’s and leaders can have a huge effect on their ability to implement change. My program “The mindful working parent” a the prefect place to start.

An excellent example of an organisation that is paving the way in terms of flexible working is Clough in Perth Australia. They have completely transformed the company by implementing several new policies to foster gender equity across the business. After refreshing the company’s flexible working policy and encouraging executives to lead by example, the percentage of men engaging in flexible working and utilising parental leave benefits has risen to around 50%. This shows how feasible the implementation of change can be across an organisation, and how it can be done in a short period of time.

We need to break down the stereotypes and biases that surround flexible working arrangements. By enabling men to work flexibly, we can create a more inclusive workplace that benefits everyone. Let’s take action and create a workplace where everyone has the opportunity to succeed.

I have always been a decisive person and perform very well under pressure. I always knew this was a strength of mine in the workplace but I am also very laid back and happy for others to take the lead in my personal life. My friends often tell me where and when we are catching up and I love it. I am there with bells on, but I struggle to decide on plans myself.

In the workplace, I am fast, determined and have very strong views on what needs to be done and can do it in a very timely fashion if required.

Becoming a parent has stretched me personally. Outside of work I’m much less decisive, I like a slower pace, yet I am amazed at some of the situations that I have been exposed to where I have jumped into “work mode” and seriously got shit done (pun not intended- you’ll see).

It was about 8.15 on a summer morning and Sofia (my eldest) and I were cleaning our teeth together getting ready for the day ahead. The twins about 14 months old at the time were playing beautifully in the kitchen. I could hear them giggling away and felt warm inside. Nothing fills me with more joy than hearing them playing together, the bond they have is just magical.

I carry on cleaning my teeth and think I’ll just pop my head around to see what they are doing before I do my makeup.

And there they are…

Lola is sitting down in an open nappy, full of poo, while Sebe is standing in front of her. They are howling with laughter at each other as they both dip their hands in Lola’s poo and smear it simultaneously down Sebe’s legs.

OH MY GOD.

I freeze momentarily and think how the hell am I going to tackle this. We need to minimise poo being smeared any further on the children and most importantly I don’t want shit smeared across my house.  

I need to think fast. Never in my life have I been faced with something that needs a quick, smart solution quite so desperately. This challenges any problem I have been faced with in the workplace. Looking back, if I was able to tackle this situation and come out of it the other side gastro free and alive- then I can honestly solve any problem that could ever be presented to me.

I grab Lola and wrap her open nappy around her as best as I can to keep it on. It’s her morning nappy so it’s heavy full of wee and now full of poo so I can’t seem to re-stick it together. I place it in position and pick her up under one arm supporting her and holding the nappy together… (the things you can manage when you have twins)

Now Lola is secured in what can only really be described as an arm lock, I take Sebe with the other hand and lead him over to the kitchen table where some wipes live. I one handedly managed to take off his pj’s that are covered in poo, I wipe their hands, and I managed to remove as much poo as I could off Sebe’s legs.

Once they were decent enough to be transported through the rest of my house, I take them both to the bathroom, one under one arm, and one under the other, with a packet of wipes hanging out my mouth. Cleaned them up more, chucked them in the shower- job done.

After careful inspection once both twins were faeces free, I could not find a spec anywhere. I well and truly nailed this situation.

This is just one example of many that I am presented with having twins and I am sure other twin parents out there will be nodding along with complete understanding of what I am exposed to daily.

When I reflect on my life, there are some really amazing stand out moments where I have problem solved something under pressure. When I was recruiting Emergency Doctors, I would be out on a Saturday night on a dance floor 10 drinks in ordering Ubers for doctors to hospitals as they missed a flight. I was problem solving constantly- this hospital needs a Doctor and I would get a doctor there in any way I could. NOTHING compares to the problems you solve as a parent.

I thought I was good back then, but I am so much better now. If you are at work and you need a quick solution- find a parent as I am certain their problem solving skills will be excellent if they have tackled raising children!

If you want to support your working parents more- reach out to me to find out more about my program “The Mindful Working Parent” designed for working parents and workplaces. Parents are an asset to organisations and deserve to be supported to enhance all their incredible qualities.

Here are my top 10 tips to help you find harmony in your life and overcome the struggles most women face when they return to work.

1. Find your purpose.

When we are a working mother it’s natural to feel that pull between our career and raising our children. Find out what really drives you. Do something that you are passionate about, that you enjoy. Going to work should be inspiring and motivating, so focus on what that looks like for you and follow your passions. When we love what we do, it increases our energy, our happiness and believe me, you will be a much better mum at home.

• Define your priorities.

It’s really important to define your priorities. What matters most to you? Is it spending quality time with your family, pursuing your career goals, or finding time for self-care? Once you’ve identified your priorities, it’s easier to make decisions that align with your values and what you want/ need in your life to make you happy.

• Set boundaries.

Try to be realistic about what you can and cannot commit to, both at work and at home. Don’t be afraid to say no to commitments that don’t align with your priorities, and don’t be shy about delegating tasks to others. Make sure you delegate at home, and be clear about what you’re able to do at work.

• Practice self-care

Self-care is essential to maintaining balance as a working mother. Take time for yourself every day, even if it’s just 15 minutes to read a book or take a relaxing bath. Prioritizing self-care will help you feel refreshed and energized. Try and get a good amount of sleep (easier said than done at times I know) and try to eat well and do some exercise. Again write down what you want and need to make you feel good and make it happen as frequently as possible.

• Delegate tasks.

It’s so important to share responsibilities. Whether it’s your partner, a family member, or a trusted caregiver, having help with childcare and household tasks can take the pressure off and free up some valuable time for you. When we are working out what your priorities are, if cleaning the house isn’t in there- get a cleaner. Do what you can to take some of the load off yourself and delegate tasks where possible.

• Get organised.

Staying organised is key to managing a busy schedule. Make a to-do list, prioritise tasks, and try to stay on top of your responsibilities. Get what you can ready the night before, work out tasks with your partner so you know who is doing what when, so your mornings run smoothly. Keep a calendar so you know what is coming up each week. Write down 6 things every day that you want to achieve at the start of each day to help to keep you focused and on track.

• Communicate with your employer.

Don’t be afraid to communicate with your employer about your needs as a working mum and what you need to make it work. Many employers are open to flexible work arrangements that can help you find that elusive work-life balance. If you can’t attend that 8am meeting because you’re supposed to be doing school drop off- don’t be afraid to say so.

• Let go of guilt.

You feel guilty when you’re working and not with your children, you feel guilty when you’re with your children and not working- it’s so hard to get it right. Find what works for you that allows you to comfortably have the best of both worlds. Maybe that’s working Part Time or finishing earlier a couple of days. Everyone is different and you have to find what works for you in order to eliminate the guilt. Don’t forget that your mental health is equally as important as your children. So, if working makes you happy- don’t feel guilty about it. You’ll be a much better mother if you’re happy and fulfilled.

• Find support.

Support is essential for working mothers. Connect with other working mothers, whether it’s through a networking group or online forum (join my programs and you will be in the best network ever). Having a support network can help you feel less alone in your struggles. Everyone experiences similar struggles trying to balance working and motherhood so be open and talk to others that are feeling the same way.

1. Be present.

Finally, it’s important to be present in the moment. When you’re at work, focus on your work. When you’re with your family, be present with them. Being present can help you feel more fulfilled in both your personal and professional life. When you get home from work, try to leave your phone and computer out of the way so you’re just focusing on your children- things can always wait an hour or so and that time is valuable for both you and your children.

It’s never easy trying to fit in all the different aspects of life when you’re working and have children, but it is possible, and you can have it all if you’re smart about it. Find what works for you and be confident in communicating that to the relevant people. This is your life, and you are responsible for how you want to live it. If you want some hot tips- you can download my daily success guide to help to implement some new habits every day.