“But I don’t have enough time”:

Despite the common complaint of not having enough time, the reality is that we all have the same 24 hours in a day. So why do some parents seem to effortlessly manage their responsibilities while others constantly feel overwhelmed? When we become parents, the way we previously worked and lived may not be suitable anymore. For example, when we return to work, if we have to do picks ups and drop offs, cook dinner, do bath and bed, we need to think about how we work in the day and be much more effective with our time. We can’t just stay an hour later because we went for a long lunch, or finish all our deadlines in 3 days going for several coffee breaks and having regular chats with our colleagues. The way we operate must change.

Prioritisation Matters:

When we claim we don’t have enough time for something, what we’re often saying is that it’s not high enough on our list of priorities. As working parents, our attention is constantly pulled in multiple directions, forcing us to make tough decisions about where to allocate our limited time and energy.

Assessing what is important to you, and what aligns with your goals personally and professionally can make a huge difference in making decisions around what you want to do and what you doesn’t suit you. When you’re making decisions, you should always check in to see what aligns with your goals to help you to stay on track and focused.

Identifying what you want:

In order to make decisions about what to invest your precious time in- you need to know what you want. Setting clear goals about what you want and need personally and professionally is a great task to do. If you have no idea what your goals are yet- I have a FREE guide that you can access HERE that will really help you to map this out.

When you identify what it is that you want, you need to then start prioritising yourself too. I know this can be hard for lots of parents but being the best version of yourself and following your own hopes and dreams is the best thing you can do for your children but that’s a while different blog post!

The Importance of Boundaries:

One of the biggest challenges for parents is setting boundaries between work and family life. With technology blurring the lines between professional and personal time, it’s easy to feel like we’re always “on” and that we don’t have any time to spare.

Establishing clear boundaries, such as designated work hours and dedicated family time, can help us reclaim control over our schedules and ensure that we’re prioritising both our careers and our families. When we make these boundaries clear not only can you be a lot more productive at work, but you will also notice a huge increase in your families happiness when you spend some quality time together.

As a parent we are undoubtably time poor. What we need to do is identify exactly what is important to us and why. If you fear investing in yourself ask yourself why? Is it because you just don’t want to change anything or is it that you don’t feel like you should be prioritising yourself?

The struggle to balance our various responsibilities is an ongoing challenge. However, by reframing our mindset around time management and prioritisation and understanding exactly what we want, we can begin to reclaim control over our schedules and focus on the things that truly matter. So the next time you find yourself saying, “I don’t have enough time,” ask yourself whether it’s truly a matter of time or a question of priorities.

I am one of 3 girls, and we have all married really “hands on” men. They all help around the house and share the childcare. Before you all get too excited reading this- there is always room for improvement, but on the whole all 3 of them are really great, especially with sharing the childcare and being very involved dads. During this conversation, my sister said something that has really got me thinking.

“Well, if you think back, Dad was really present with us, he did quite a lot around the house and he shared the childcare….”

This is SO true.

My Dad was a teacher, so he was home by 4.30pm every day. We always had dinner all together, mum cooked, dad always did the dishes, they had their “roles” in the house with regards to jobs and it was by no means 50/50 but my dad still did quite a lot to help.

In the school holidays, my mum only had 50% of the holiday off so we would spend the rest of the holiday with Dad. He would play squash and would assign my sister and I a task to build something or find something from the rugby fields behind, he would play golf and we would Cady for him and find golf balls. We LOVED it!

My point to this is this. Did we all marry similar hands-on men out of pure coincidence, or did we marry men like that because that’s what we were raised to believe is normal?

I hope the latter….

I have been thinking and writing a lot about gender equality and I hadn’t even though about my own situation. I know I am very lucky with my own husband, but I hadn’t thought about my own parents. I am SO Grateful that I was raised in such an equal house. And in that generation, I think it would still have been quite rare for that to happen. My dad has always had a great relationship with my sisters and I and it’s all thanks to the time he spent with us. When I look back at my childhood, I don’t remember the birthday or Christmas presents, I don’t remember what we had and what we didn’t have. What sticks in my mind are all the great times I had with my family. The time spent with my mum after school talking to her whilst I helped cook dinner, time in the school holidays when we went on fin adventures with Dad. Time is the most precious gift you can give you children as a parent.

Our Belief systems are built up from generations, our parents, their parents etc. it is really the catalyst of why we think and behave the way that we do. I feel so incredibly fortunate that I have been raised in a way that promotes gender equality and I now live exactly like that myself which will enable my children to be the same way.

If we really want to bridge the Gender gap- this is where we start! Women need to have the confidence to speak up with what they want and need at home and at work. And men need to continue to do more to help at home and with their children, and workplaces need to fully support this.

I read something yesterday written by a mother. She was saying how she runs around in the morning, getting the kids up, washed, dressed, breakfast, lunches ready etc. And then by the time her husband comes out ready for the day showered and dressed she had about 8 minutes to get ready herself. The post annoyed me. Why is her husband not doing half of those jobs and helping her out? Their children belong to both of them and should be both of their responsibilities. If she’s struggling with time in the mornings, why is she not asking her husband to help? This is where the problems start.

Ladies please start speaking up for what you want and need in terms of help and support. If you create this equality in your house now, just think of the effects that will have on your children, and their children… it’s up to us to make that change and to bridge the gender gap. It’s also up to men to allow the transition to occur. To be open to changing the status quo and enabling more balance to spend with your children and supporting your family at home. I will be forever grateful that I was raised in a family dynamic that has naturally created equality in my own house. You have the ability to give that gift to your children as well.

The way we think, behave and act is very much determined by our belief system and the environment we were raised in ourselves. Our paradigms and belief systems are created by our parents, their parents and those that we were surrounded by when growing up.

So how often do you think about what it is that you are passing on to your own Children? Do you ever reflect on how you were raised and think, I want to do that differently? It’s great to make changes and evolve as society does, but being consciously aware of how we change those behaviours isn’t as easy as we think.

What to think about around Children:

1. Do you want your children to be risk takers?

Do you ever find yourself shouting “Careful Careful Careful” at you children? As a mother of 3 with two of them being very adventurous 3-year-old twins, I want to shout out “be careful” approximately every 30 seconds. Now, I obviously just want my children to be safe and to not hurt themselves or others, but in reality, I am creating a paradigm around them taking risks.

If they are constantly being told to be careful (or similar), they are likely to grow up being cautious, risk adverse and have a fear of pushing themselves. If I bite my tongue, close my eyes, and try to look away in hope that they are okay when I look back, I am allowing them to take risks, learn by experience and push themselves out of their comfort Zone. There is no right or wrong with this, ideally, we want a balance of them both. Being mindful of when and how we use boundaries and caution with our children can really shape the way they live their lives, try to be selective when you feel it may be okay for them to take a bit of a risk, and when you know that situation is dangerous, and they need to learn boundaries.

• Hold on- I’m not sure if we should talk about this….

Try to be mindful of what you are communicating around your children, this is important across all topics, but I will use money as an example. In a world where everyone seems to be struggling with inflation and the rising of costs in everyday expenses, think about what you are talking about and saying to your children. If we are frequently saying “That’s way to expensive, we can’t afford it, we are broke, we could never have that, it costs too much” you are creating a limited money paradigm in your children. As they grow up, you are at risk of them being overly conscious about money, having a boundary around their self-worth and this is likely to have one of 2 outcomes. It could limit their own earnings as they get older, and what they think they are worth. If they were successful, they will still likely hold onto their money and obsess over what they are spending/ saving as they have an internal fear of having to go without. Keep the conversations positive around children and what their possibilities are. We want to teach them the reality of life, but we also want to shelter them from it too and not create limitations in areas we can avoid.

• Love and affection

The way we show love and affection to our children and spouses really sets them up for the way they are going to form relationships themselves. If we are constantly showing love and affection, that behaviour will become “normal” to them, and they will often replicate this in their own relationships as they are growing up. Be kind to those around you, speak with good manners and be polite. Think about how you would want your child to be and model that behaviour yourself.

• We can or we Can’t….

Do you find yourself swaying towards the ideas that you can, or you can’t? I have always had the attitude that I can do anything I set my mind to and have achieved so much in my life because of it. When I look back my parents would always support me in my wild decisions, even if they were probably rolling their eye’s thinking I am being ridiculous at the time, they never said you can’t or you won’t be able to do that.

Think about whether you are encouraging your children to have a can-do attitude or are you questioning whether things can be achieved and constantly saying you “can’t do that”. Of course, we need to set realistic expectations but having an attitude that allows us to strive for what we want is always going to be more likely to get us there.

When I was pregnant with my Twins all I seemed to hear was “you won’t be able to do this, you won’t be able to do that” and it was a real eye opener to me how many people have the view that they “can’t” rather than they “Can”; After all, when people put their views upon you, it’s a direct reflection of what they think they are capable of, not a reflection on you and your capabilities. I am extremely conscious with my children and making sure I encourage them that they can do anything (within reason- of course) and not reflect my own limitations onto them.  

• Are you happy?

I’m not sure what the equivalent is of the phrase “happy wife, happy life” with regards to parents but I’m sure there would be one. When we are happy, driven and feel like we have purpose, we are MUCH better parents. I have experienced this myself. My children are often a complete replica of my emotions / mood and seem to reflect exactly how I am feeling in their behaviour. It is hard to prioritise yourself when you are a parent, but try to do things you love, follow your passions, take time for yourself, and spend time with your children feeling positive and energised. They are going to be so much happier for it themselves. Investing in yourself to be the best version of yourself is the best thing you can do for your children.

Conclusion

We have complete control over what we are instilling into your children, so think about how you want them to think and behave and start to think and behave like that yourself. This is the best way for them to learn those behaviours and live a successful life. If you think you are really struggling with some of the areas covered, it may be time to start shifting your own mindset. Not only will it create a happier life for you, but it will create more growth and opportunity for your children too.

If you’re ready to invest in yourself and be the best version of YOU, it’s the perfect time to take action. My program “The mindful working parent” is out very soon, so please reach out for more information on how I can help to transform your life.

One of the main reasons why men are not engaging in flexible work arrangements is due to the stigmas and biases surrounding them.

Men are often thought of as the breadwinners of the family, and their primary role is to work and provide for their family. However, this outdated view fails to recognise that men also want to be involved in their family life, especially in parenting responsibilities. In fact, research has shown that men are increasingly interested in equalising parenting responsibilities with their partners, and this is where flexible working arrangements needs to be offered and supported for both Men and Women.

Despite them wanting this, men are still hesitant to take up flexible working arrangements due to the stigmas and biases that exist in many organisations. For instance, they may feel that their requests for flexible working arrangements will be viewed negatively by their colleagues or that they will not be seen as committed to their work. These stereotypes and biases create a culture that is not conducive to equal opportunities for all employees, regardless of gender.

Another challenge that men face when it comes to flexible working arrangements is a lack of senior support.

In many organisations, senior managers are not supportive of flexible working arrangements. If the Leadership team is not supportive of flexible working, that will be filtered down across the rest of the organisation.  This lack of support can discourage men from taking up flexible working arrangements, further reinforcing the stereotypes that surround them. If we want to support gender equality, we need to lead by example across the leadership team and pave the way.

In addition to the stigmas and biases, men are also twice as likely as women to have their requests for flexible working arrangements rejected.

This further exacerbates the problem and prevents men from taking up flexible working arrangements. This issue needs to be addressed by organisations if they are serious about promoting diversity and inclusion in the workplace. Men and Women should be seen as equal employees and if that is the case, men should be equally as entitled to have flexible work arrangements.

Addressing these challenges is not easy, but here are a few things you can do:

• Create policies that enable both men and women to work flexibly. This means providing flexible working arrangements that are available to everyone, not just women. This approach will not only help to break down the stereotypes and biases that exist but will also create a more inclusive workplace where everyone has equal opportunities to succeed.
• Actively encourage and role model the use of flexible working arrangements, especially across executives and leaders. This will help to create a culture where flexible working is viewed positively, and men are encouraged to take up these arrangements.
• Promote and support top performers who work flexibly. By highlighting these employees, organisations can help break down the stereotypes and biases that still exist in the workplace. It is important to recognise that employees who work flexibly can be just as productive and committed to their work. It will also help to eliminate the fear from men that they will not be promoted or rewarded for their hard work if they take up flexible work arrangements.
• Working on the mindset of employee’s and leaders can have a huge effect on their ability to implement change. My program “The mindful working parent” a the prefect place to start.

An excellent example of an organisation that is paving the way in terms of flexible working is Clough in Perth Australia. They have completely transformed the company by implementing several new policies to foster gender equity across the business. After refreshing the company’s flexible working policy and encouraging executives to lead by example, the percentage of men engaging in flexible working and utilising parental leave benefits has risen to around 50%. This shows how feasible the implementation of change can be across an organisation, and how it can be done in a short period of time.

We need to break down the stereotypes and biases that surround flexible working arrangements. By enabling men to work flexibly, we can create a more inclusive workplace that benefits everyone. Let’s take action and create a workplace where everyone has the opportunity to succeed.

If you have the right mindset and you have the right approach to it, you can absolutely balance being a parent and have a career successfully. There are a few elements that must be in place in order to really make it work.

Here’s some points to help get you started!

1.Set clear work boundaries: One of the biggest challenges of balancing parenthood and a career is ensuring that your work life doesn’t interfere with your family life, and vice versa. When you are returning to work after having children, sit down with the appropriate person and set out some clear work Boundaries. Flexibility is Key when you have a family, who’s doing drop offs/ pick ups/ making dinner etc. You need to think about what will work for you and speak to your workplace. Hopefully they will be fully supportive of your flexible requirements, and if they aren’t, send them my way- they clearly need to change their mindset!

2. Get organised: Have you ever met a more organised person than a working mother? I think not. Sorry Dads, but it is true. Being organised is really the key to survival as a working parent. Without it, you will end up in a heap on the floor completely overwhelmed. Make to do lists- personal and professional every day and tick things off as they are completed. Have a place for all your appointments that is easy to access, and prepare what you can the night before. There is nothing worse than realising your daughter’s uniform needs a wash and she has school in 45 minutes… plan ahead and be organised! Work out with your other half who is responsible for what so you know what you need to stay on top of.

3. Prioritise your tasks: Following on from being a super organised parent, you need to then prioritise what is most important. Work out what is most urgent and make sure those tasks are completed first. If you have to leave cereal all over your kitchen floor after breakfast to get out of the house on time for an important meeting then so be it- it’s not a priority at that time, getting out the house is. (I just hope your OCD doesn’t eat you up all day knowing the mess that awaits you like it does to me). Thinking about what the number 1 thing is to achieve in that moment is not easy. It takes a bit of agility and adaptation in the moment which can take a bit of practice but is a habit that can be relearnt.

4. Build a support system: No one can do it all alone, and this is especially true for parents who are juggling careers and wanting a happy home life. Work for a company that supports you as a parent, that fosters real flexibility so you don’t feel terrible leaving early or coming in late if you’re doing the school drop offs. Surround yourself with positive, supportive friends and family that will offer help and practical support when you need it. And make sure you have a great partner and are a great support to your other half. Look out for each other, take on that task that is usually your partners when they are having a bad day and could use some downtime. A bit of emotional intelligence will go a very long way. Communicate if you want/ need something else from your partner, sometimes we are non the wiser until someone points out the obvious.  

5. Take care of yourself: The point that most parents really struggle with- I know I do, but it’s my mission for this year to reconcile. Taking care of ourselves is so important. If you are going to be successful and avoid being burnt out, stressed out, and a big hot mess- take some time out for you. Make time to exercise, try and get enough sleep (easier said than done, I know), eat well, manage your stress levels and socialise. Sometimes a glass of wine with a good friend is the most restorative thing you can do. A happy, healthy parent is the best thing you can give your children, so looking after yourself is absolutely essential.

Balancing parenthood and your career is not easy, but with the right approach, it can be done. By setting clear boundaries, prioritising your tasks, getting organised, building a support system, and taking care of yourself, you’ll be feeling like a superhero and so proud of yourself. Take a moment to think about all the incredible things you manage to accomplish every day across your personal and professional life and BE PROUD, you have totally got this!